The How-To Book of PJO
by BlackAngelWings1010
Summary: How to Write a Prophecy. How to Fight a Monster. How to Not Suck Kronos's ****. How to Get Your Point Across Without Swearing. How to Write Smut. How to Write in Percy's POV. How to Hug Nico. How to Write a Chaos Fanfic. How to be Cliche/ How not to be Cliche. How to "DO" Perlia. How to STOP MAKING PERCY A STUPID PERVERT! How to be Kinda Funny...ish.


**Hi! **

**I****'ve noticed that PJO fanfiction writers are at a loss when it comes to writing prophesies. Rick Riorden does it well, but most of the prophesies written on this site usually consists of... well, crap a coven of six-year-old dead fairies could write better.**

* * *

The average prophesy on fanfiction practically tells you exactly what's going to happen or gives insanely vague statements.

For example,

_The new campers will come, _

_Not know where they're from, _

_A god's scarf you must get back, _

_And keep the Olympians on track._

Or...

_Maizi will jump over the barbed-wire electrifying fence,_

_With a boy whose incredibly dense,_

_Unleashing the anger of the loveable hero of the empire state building who defeated the Minotaur,_

_Kronos, lord of time, will recite a rhyme,_

_And the daughter of two gods will go_

_To save Olympus from the tearful woe._

Now I think we can agree that was just ...bad. As in, worse than Apollo's poetry, _bad_.

Since my teachers always taught me to be... nice to terrible writers, I will compliment them on the only thing that deserves praise: their use of the word "unleashing". I just love that word, almost as much as I love calling Liz, my frenemy, Rebecca.

**Step one**, make the prophesy as confuzzling as humanly, or godly, possible. Did Ricky-poo let the Oracle spew out nonsense that Percy could actually understand? No!

Why should you?

The majority of fics that I've read containing green mist surrounding, particularly Rachel, but sometimes the mummy, didn't deem it fit to acknowledge the green smoke or the "trance mode" Rachel finds herself in.

_Sorry, Rach, I know it must be kind of creepy to get possessed by the spirit of the snake Apollo killed, but shut up. I'm trying to figure out this incredibly confusing prophesy you just said even though you practically recited my future second by second._

I imagine the redheads must love you so I hope you got a thing for the gingers.

This is a humourous, yet totally true, parody of how these scenes generally go:

* * *

_As soon as the redhead walked in the room, she said,_

**_"Three will go and find the missing present,_**

**_Encounter a peasent,_**

**_She used to hide from those she fears,_**

**_And drown in a river of her tears,_**

**_Until she stood up to fight,_**

**_And may win in morning light."_**

_Yay! I think happily, a prophesy! I know it must be mine because although I got here three minutes ago with absolutely nothing special about me except my being pregnant with Chiron's baby. Ssh! Mr. D might hear and get jealous, but his name don't suit him, cause his dick is so small. I saw it when he was doing anal with my baby's daddy. But it must be mine because it says three and I only have two friends who ironically are a goat and a weirdo emo kid who likes me and I like him too! So it would fit and nobody would miss me and I could find a way to keep the baby while fighting monsterz and running halfway around the country by basically stalking Percy Jackson's footsteps. Yeah not going to get a miscarriage or anything. And being stabbed in the stomach while in labor won't affect the baby either, who will turn out to be a goddess called Skye._

_Whoops, how did I get all of that from a simple prophesy. Move over, Rachel. There's a pregnant girl to take your place. Maybe I could be like Octavian and read the future from teddy bear stuffing. Whoops, I'm not supposed to know about him yet._

_"That's my prophesy." I should, claiming it before anyone else could. Surprisingly, nobody argued. I guess my pregnant girl demigod logic makes sense to them too._

_"You're pregnant!" Aphrodite squeals, and suddenly reporters were hounding me and by then I'd already forgotten about the prophesy because it's not like this book will actually go along with the terrible plot forced on it by this prophecy._

_No, it will be even worse._

_Now, I reallize what Aphrodite said and scream, "Psh... What?!"_


End file.
